george carlin government doesn't care about you

Bomb them!" They'd look up in the sky and see "the person in the moon". You realize that most of the right-to-lifers are in favor of the DEATH penalty? You can say what you want about this country, and I love this place. "The good Lord tripped me up behind the line of scrimmage." Doesn't this piss you off? Why isnt selling fucking legal? That's the only thing. They call it the National Defense University, but it's a war college. That's another complaint of mine too much use of this prefix "pre". Theyre always people who tell us to live together in harmony and try to love one another: Jesus, Gandhi, Lincoln, John Kennedy, Bobby Kennedy, Medgar Evers, Malcolm X, Martin Luther King, John Lennon. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers. High-quality, grade-A, prime-cut, pure, American bullshit. I dont like ass kissers, flag wavers or team players. Right in the fucking head! In this blog post, well take a look at some of his best quotes on the subject. I'm also tired of hearing about 'innocent victims'. Especially if it's me! The truth is, we dont have people like that. They'll get it. Were goin away. There's a nice campaign slogan for somebody: 'The Public Sucks. In America, anyone can become president. The right wing's last line of defense on campus. Carlin got famous for his bit about the words you cant say on television, but his legacy speaks of so much more, wisdom and wit that deserve to live on through the ages. Then when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day. Religion is nothing but mind control. It is one that we need to function as a society. I like people who buck the system. You know, why should it be illegal to sell something that's perfectly legal to give away? 2. For instance: a diabetic, on his way to buy insulin, is killed by a runaway truck. But there is an I in independence, individuality and integrity. George Carlin was posthumously awarded the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor in 2008, after he passed away that year at the age of 71. Isnt it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?, 8. You know how you speed up baseball? Im a loyal American and Im not happy unless I let government and industry poison me a little bit every day. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. George Carlin, 39. You're reading a nice story, and suddenly the writer has to stop and describe the clouds. Carry a pad and pencil with you, you'll wind up with thirty or forty names by the end of the day. This is the best we can do folks. Sleepy was into reds. 4. Dopey was into everything. This is an outmoded idea. Keep your circle small. Help me find some shoes I really like. Dont you just wanna puke in your soup when one of these fat, balding, overweight, overaged, out of shape, middle aged, male movie stars with sunglasses jumps onstage and starts blowing into a harmonica? You have owners. George Carlin, 84. Here's my problem with the Ten Commandments: why are there ten? You don't have to lie. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts. Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. Each one of them has an entire hologram of the universe somewhere within them. George Carlin, 34. You still need a note to get laid. I'm gettin' tired of guys who smoke pipes. We get to choose which forms of life we feel are sacred, and we get to kill the rest. Isn't that nice? In this blog post, we'll take a look at some of Carlin's most famous quotes on government. On Election Day, I stay home. Weve learned how to make a living but not a life. I really haven't seen this many people in one place since they took the group photographs of all the criminals and lawbreakers in the Ronald Reagan Administration. You don't see chickens hanging around in drug gangs, do you? When it comes to God's existence, I'm not an atheist and I'm not an agnostic- I'm an acrostic, the whole thing puzzles me. On the radio. In fact, I regularly pray for serious, life-threatening rodeo injuries. These people were given. The reason they call it the American Dream is because you have to be asleep to believe it. Fascism won it. It will be coincidental. As we saw from my piece on Louis C.K. The larger the group, the more toxic, the more of your beauty as an individual you have to surrender for the sake of group thought. But he does sell drugs to your honor student. Now I feel better. Zach Urban on Twitter: "RT @WideAwake444: Government doesn't care about Of all the things you can do, giving someone an orgasm is hardly the worst thing in the world. And then, the one we always forget, because he was Bashful. Whether you agree with him or not, George Carlins views on government are definitely worth considering. Fertilization. Then youre just what theyre looking for. There's a reason for this, there's a reason education. So come on in. I think "spokesman" ought to be "spokesperson," I think "chairman" ought to be "chairperson," I think "mankind" ought to be "humankind." Enjoy! Is that such a strange notion. Some people try to get out of jury duty by lying. They say, "oh, we're going for a nature walk. What a fucking disgrace that place is! You know the best thing about necrophilia? At least he's honest!" Its important in life if you dont give a shit. You know why? Here's what happened: I give you my revised list of the Two Commandments: "Thou shalt always be honest and faithful to the provider of thy nookie", and "thou shalt try real hard not to kill anyone, unless of course they pray to a different invisible man than the one you pray to". What are your favorite George Carlin quotes? A gynecologist who wants my wife to have three or four drinks before the examination. Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. Where would we be without our safe, familiar, American bullshit? Same with religion. Youll never see the black guys going, Oh, golly! They don't mention anything about cursing a lack of candles. I dont have pet peeves. Are these fucking people kidding me? Im not sure silencing people or forcing them to alter their speech is the best method for solving problems that go much deeper than speech. George Carlin, 62. This country is full of nitwits and assholes. Required fields are marked *. We made the whole fucking thing up! That's my advice. You ever watch golf on television? Apparently, were not ready for that! George Carlin, 72. 31. Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. George Carlin, 53. Now, man"You up for the game?" I put a dollar in a change machine. Happens to work. Now we're really going to get even: we're sending experts to show them how to run their economy. And they're walking around, nobody worrying about it. That was the time I said to a woman, "I hope you get a blister on your cunt.' The Zen Teachings of George Carlin, a Comedian Who Pointed the Way And if, somehow, you must join, if its unavoidable, such as a union or a trade association, go ahead and join. It's interested in it's own power. You know why? The people left of center were liberals; the people right of center were conservatives. People are fucking nuts. The Official Home of George Carlin- georgecarlin.com Actually, I dont care, I drink it anyway. So I say live and let live. You don't need ten. Bomb them! And of course, the bombs and the rockets and the bullets are all shaped like dicks. I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, There is no I in team. What you should tell them is, Maybe not. It's an ego defense. George Carlin - Government doesn't care about you - YouTube Author of the memoir The Young People Who Traverse Dimensions While Wearing Sunglasses. They own you. I'm tired of that asshole. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer and burn and scream until the end of time. The real reason that we cant have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not commit adultery, and Thou shalt not lie in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. Bashful didn't use drugs. 101 Marianne Williamson Quotes That Will Enlighten You. Any old orifice will do for Dopey. They don't care about the planet in theory. I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. There are battered husbands. I wish to be BLOWN UP. BULLSHIT! It simply does not give a fuck about you! Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. "You give us a color, we'll wipe it out! They want obedient workers. Don't let my beard become entangled in the gears of a transcontinental bus. 38. People are fucking nuts. The planet is fine. Our experienced and knowledgeable sales representatives will help you make a selection that's just right for you and just right for your budget. George Denis Patrick Carlin ( May 12, 1937 - June 22, 2008) was an American stand-up comedian, actor, author, singer, voice artist, and comedian, noted especially for his irreverent attitude and his observations on politics, language, psychology, and religion, as well as some taboo subjects. On Health Care: George Carlin Called It | by Sean Murphy - Medium If you're preborn, you're fine; if you're preschool, you're f**ked. No neonatal care, no daycare, no head start, no school lunch, no food stamps, no welfare, no nothing. Some people think if you mention some things they might happen. How come when it's us, it's an abortion, and when it's a chicken, it's an omelet? A group of slave owners who wanted to be free! Has been for thousands of years! George Carlin. As for the poor, they tell us they've lost all incentive because we've given them too much money. If they say, Were the So-and-Sos, take a walk. The only country that could invade America is America! They average over one hundred and fifty acres a piece that's three million plus acres, four thousand, eight hundred and twenty square miles you could build two Rhode Islands and a Delaware for the homeless on the land currently being wasted on this meaningless, mindless, arrogant, elitist, racistthere's another thing; the only blacks you'll find at country clubs are carrying traysand a boring game. And, of course, the funniest food: "kumquats". Why did they decide that? Here's another question I have. Yeah, usually they're already there. Dont just teach your children to read Teach them to question everything that they read Teach them to question everything. George Carlin, 86. The low end of the speed spectrum, I grant you, but there are coffee freaks. Whens the last chicken you heard about came home from work and beat the shit out of his hen, huh? And generally speaking, people onthe right of center, are interested in property values, property, property rights. A proctologist with poor depth perception. That's all we've ever had in this country, is a bill of temporary privileges. Save the planet! Am I missing something? 'Cause that's all you ever hear about in this country. Maybe this time it'll work. Save the planet, we don't even know how to take care of. Stop that! What the fuck do white people have to be blue about? George Carlin is Back from the Dead to Haunt Trump in Devastating Quote by George Carlin: "Now, there's one thing you might - Goodreads Were gonna save the fuckin planet? It's interested in its own power, that's the only thing. Leave these fucking people alone for Christs sake. I don't even bring them home anymore. It was in 1951, when I was 14, when grass swept the neighborhood. Some day birth control will come off prescription, and they'll need those cute little catchy names like the patent medicines havesome day birth control pills will have names like, "Preg-Not"! ""Boy, these conservatives are really something, aren't they? You could build two Rhode Islands and a Delaware for the homeless on the land currently being wasted on this meaningless, mindless, arrogant, elitist, racist, theres another thing; the only blacks youll find at country clubs are carrying trays. Ice Cube Shares George Carlin Quote About Politicians: 'They Own You' Go look for consistency in religion. They should be giving their money to you. Simple thing. Religion is just trying to control your mind, control your thoughts, so theyre gonna tell you some things you shouldnt say because theyresins. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time. First thing- "Hey! 14. George Carlin : It's the only metaphor we have in our public discourse for solving a problem; it's called declaring a war. By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. About Us | Privacy Policy | Terms | Contact Us, Ronald Reagan Religious Quotes To Live Your Life As A True Believer, www.brainyquote.com/authors/george-carlin-quotes, www.quotes.thefamouspeople.com/george-carlin-1484.php, www.everydaypower.com/george-carlin-quotes. He has been widely cited as a political humor expert and authored two books on the subject. I cant follow the logic on that one at all! Never join a group that has a name. Hey, if you read history, you realize that God is one of the leading causes of death! I started this website because I wanted to help people like you to maximize their potential and achieve their dreams. It doesnt only represent the good things. George Carlin Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. Stick to your faggoty polkas and waltzes and that repulsive country line-dancing shit that you do and be yourself, be proud, be white, be lame, and get the fuck off the dance floor! You have owners. Individualists. Thats the problem. George Carlin, 58. So we keep ourselves limited. The truth is, we don't have people like that. Theyre all in favor of the unborn. If you vote, and you elect dishonest, incompetent politicians, and they get into office and screw everything up, you are responsible for what they have done. You dont see a chicken strapping some guy to a chair and hooking up his nuts to a car battery, do you? Cloud nine gets all the publicity, but cloud eight actually is cheaper, less crowded, and has a better view. People are wonderful one at a time. Does experience need to be documented and brought home and saved on a shelf? They don't give a fuck about you. Anyone who can't go along with that, take him outside and shoot the motherfucker. The difference between left and right of center originated in the French parliament. You voted them in. The Divine Plan. And don't you love the way these kind of people pervert the English language? I welcome it. Of course, I'm sure the reverend isn't that comfortable with anything that has two knobs on it. I'm here to help. You're a winner!" The government doesnt care about you, or your children, or your rights, or your welfare or your safety. They don't want to hear from you. And thenhitting it again! An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. Religion is just trying to control your mind, control your thoughts, so they're gonna tell you some things you shouldn't say because they're Smug, greedy, well-fed white people have invented a language to conceal their sins. The government doesn't care about you, or your children, or your rights, or your welfare, or your safety. Some items not available, some assembly required, some restrictions may apply. I hate groups of people but I love individuals. It's ridiculous and it goes to ridiculous lengths! We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass. George Carlin, 79. He died in 2008, the week after he had been named the recipient of the Mark Twain Prize . Well I'll go for a drive, you'll go for a ride. And he's gotta do it with a big. I leave that to others. 'Cause I got to tell you the truth, folks: when it comes to bullshit - big-time, major-league bullshit - you have to stand in awe, in AWE of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims, religion. When you get to Wikipedia, in the search field for Wikipedia, I want you to type in ". And when you suspend your individual beauty you also give up a lot of your humanity. Who wants to get sucked off by a forty-three-year-old clergyman with beard stubble? Are these people kidding? Simple thing. ""Now, there's one thing you might have noticed I don't complain about: politicians. In this blog post, weve compiled some of his most compelling quotes on the subject for you to consider as well! We think in language. Only once have I lost my cool. Little kids would be afraid of "the boogieperson". Pro-life conservatives are obsessed with the fetus from conception to nine months. But there is an I in independence, individuality, and integrity. George Carlin, 14. George Carlin Quotes - BrainyQuote They don't want that. 42. "Pre-heated" is a meaningless fucking term! The upper class keeps all of the money, pays none of the taxes. That's all the media and the politicians are ever talking aboutthe things that separate us, things that make us different from one another. 41. Must be another one of those "miracles.". I wouldn't be surprised if they came up with a birth control pill that doesn't work all the time; they'd call it "Baby Maybe"! Some people don't want you to say this, some people don't want you to say that. Heres some bumper stickers Id like to see: We are the proud parents of a child whose self esteem is sufficient that he doesnt need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car. We are the proud parents of a child who has resisted his teachers attempts to break his spirit and bend him to the will of his corporate masters. We have a daughter in public school who hasnt been knocked up yet. We have a son in public school who hasnt shot any of his classmates yet. Plus he knocked up your daughter. We are the embarrassed parents of a cross-eyed little nit-wit who at the age of ten not only continues to wet the bed but also shits on the school bus.. Germany lost the Second World War. Im completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. Are people's lives so bankrupt they sit at home looking at things they already DID? It's not an attitude in line with the American Spirit, but there it is: we all screw around first. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. There are no innocent victims. 39. Heres another question I have: How come when its us, its an abortion, and when its a chicken, its an omelet? And the supreme arrogance? But once youre born, youre on your own. "Save the trees, save the bees, save the whales, save those snails." A cross-eyed nun with a bullwhip and a bottle of gin! When they say "right to life," they're talking about THEIR right to decide which people should live or die. Then you go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, and you have no responsibilities. Let's face it, we have very little to work with. Its called fucking with people!. A diversified multicultural postmodern deconstructionist. War is a whole lot of men standing out on a field waving their pricks at one another. The sanctity of life doesnt seem to apply to cancer cells, does it? F*ck Hope. [] I look at war a little bit differently. Have you ever noticed that the only metaphor we have in our public discourse for solving problems is to declare war on it? Gave it a lot of thought, decided it was a good plan, put it into practice. He was a true outspoken man that we can emulate in many ways. I dont believe anything the government tells me., Governments dont want well-informed, well-educated people capable of critical thinking. Daniel Kurtzman is a political journalist turned satirist. People think it puts them above the fray. They own, and control the corporations. Help me also to find a nymphomaniac coke connection who owns a Ferrari dealership. They don't fall out of the sky; they don't pass through a membrane from a separate reality. Doesn't anyone in this country stop and LOOK AT THINGS anymore? We are the embarrassed parents of a cross-eyed little nit-wit who at the age of ten not only continues to wet the bed but also shits on the school bus. I say, Drop the pipe, and go to the dick! If it requires a uniform, it's a worthless endeavor. "Do you believe in God?" Like the public. Sort of take them in? That is a true oxymoron if I've ever heard one . Spoiler: advertising man says, "It's Good!". 'Cause everything in this country is king size, extra-large and super jumbo. They don't want to hear from you. No contest! If you burn the flag, youre burning the flag for what you perceive to be the bad things the country has done. The politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. You have no choice. I call it the American Okie Doke. Happened like that. Have you noticed that there are some people, who when they lose something, their first reaction is that it had to be stolen? Share your thoughts in the comments below! Governments don't want a population capable of critical thinking, they want obedient workers, people just smart enough to run the machines and just dumb enough to passively accept their situation.You have no choice. To me, war is a lot of prick-waving! We won the big game today, yes sir!" They're privileges. People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point. And, by the way, theres nothing wrong with the planet in the first place. See, the really hardcore people will tell you life begins at fertilization. Original music by Dan Powell and Marion Lozano . What? ""I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong. It's all over the language now "pre"-this, "pre"-that, place the turkey in a "pre-heated" oven. Save the planet? I feel that if I was figuratively dropped on the Earth and there was a political line, I would be just left of center. They're doing amphetamines. Tell him you've been coming there for 10 years and none of your wishes have come true. And they seem to understand what I'm talking about. These people call themselves "right to lifers." You dont. And Bushis pushing this country farther down the hill, faster than anyone has before. Fine, but if it's God's will, and He's going to do what He wants to anyway, why the fuck bother praying in the first place? Well, they don't want you to get an infection! Obedient workers, people who are just smart enough to run the machines and do the paperwork. Here is an entire class of people guaranteed never to have an abortion and the Catholics and the Christians are just tossing them aside. Continue with Recommended Cookies. No cash? George Denis Patrick Carlin was born May 12, 1937, in the Bronx, New York. Don't blame me. "Yes." He said "Hi folks, I'm completely full of shit and how do ya like that?" No. It can help you a lot. George Carlin, 8. And that of course was at the end of the Civil War. This is the best we can do. It's true! I think if white people are gonna burn down black churches, then black people ought to burn down the House of Blues! When else are you gonna record it, afterwards? Two reasons: first of all, voting is meaningless; this country was bought and paid for a long time ago. Broadly speaking. You have no choice. Don't let me be attacked by a maniac wearing a french tickler and a space helmet. The government doesnt care about you, or your children, or your rights, or your welfare, or your safety. Every single person, you can see the universe in their eyes if you're really looking. Doc was a connection. Let's go for a drive OK? You dont have to be a historian or a political scientist to see the bigger-dick foreign policy at work. You caused the problem. Kevin Winter/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images, Seth Meyers White House Correspondents' Dinner Speech, Dan Quayle Funny Quotes and Misstatements, The Funniest Political Quotes of All Time, France Jokes and Funny Quotes About France, Bidenisms: Funniest Joe Biden Quotes and Gaffes, Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. In fact, George Carlin had some pretty interesting things to say about government. He was a "political" comic the way George Orwell was a "political" writer. Put the blame where it belongs: on the people. Think about it: religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough not to quit. George Carlin, 21. And sometimes it rains. Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music. George Carlin, 4. You don't do all this moron stuff. Theres no present. But even after the egg is fertilized, it's still six or seven days before it reaches the uterus and pregnancy begins, and not every egg makes it that far. Quote by George Carlin: "Forget the politicians. The politicians are George Carlin was one of the most well-known and beloved comedians of all time. 80% of a woman's fertilized eggs are rinsed and flushed out of her body once a month during those delightful few days she has. This is what we have to offer. And these people with the fires and the floods and everything, they overbuild, they put nature to the test and they get what's coming to them. Happy was into grass and grass alone Happy, that's all he did. You don't see a chicken strapping some guy to a chair and hooking up his nuts to a car battery, do you? Who stole my collection of used bandages?! Believe me, my friend. It's what our system produces: Garbage in, garbage out. The politicians are put there to give you the idea you have freedom of choice. You never see a memo that says 9:01. Two-hundred and twenty-five of 'em, so far! Famous Quotes by George Carlin about Politics, "In America, anyone can become president. The map is going to change and that's because -- people think nature is outside of them. We hadn't been into grass before, we were into gang fighting, and wine and beer in the park, and punching the shit out of people, and having jackets with your name, and your girls were your 'debs', and you had turf, and all that dumb shit, and we would get into fights over girlsand then pot came along and gang fighting went away. When youre born in America, you get a front row seat. George Carlin, 48. The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind that Hitler was elected in a full, free democratic election. George Carlin, 66. A waitress with a visible infection on her serving hand. Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. 23. Its so fuckin heroic. George Carlin, 18. He is the victim of an accident. That would make a "He-man" an "It-person." We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. I believe the government should step in where the free market fails. Change His plan? Term limits ain't going to do any good; you're just going to end up with a brand new bunch of selfish, ignorant Americans. Opinion: With apologies to George Carlin, here are seven words they can

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